Ten Things I Wish I Knew Before My Wedding

Watching wedding after wedding come and go on my social media feeds has me reminiscing on my own! Only a few short years ago I was in those shoes and I still clearly remember all the crazy emotions that are stirring shortly before your wedding. It got me thinking… what do I wish someone had told me before the biggest day of my life? What should I have heard about weddings and marriage that I didn’t?

#1: This is the biggest day of your life.

You probably already know that, but I wanted to remind you. It’s easy to get caught up in the details or planning and ultimately miss the forest for the trees. If you’re anything like I was leading up to your wedding, this day will rock your world. In the best way possible, this is the biggest day of your life. Take it slow. Enjoy it! From this point forward, your life is forever changed.

#2: Thank your cheerleaders.

Take a moment to sit back at the reception and look at all the people that are there to celebrate you and your spouse. You will likely only have all of those people in the same room once… soak it up. Take the time to talk to them. Although your wedding is about you, the reception is your opportunity to celebrate this point in time with the most important people in your life… acknowledge them. These are the people that have shaped you and your fiance, cheered you on, and supported you up to this point.

#3: Something will go wrong.

Let’s just go ahead and make that clear. There are so many moving pieces when it comes to weddings that there’s bound to be a mishap somewhere. As long as the bride makes it down the aisle to the groom and a pastor is there, you’ll be just as married as if your second cousin didn’t show up two hours early or your grandma was bickering with your mom over the seating arrangement.

#4: Your wedding doesn’t matter; Your marriage does.

Harsh, but true. In the grand scheme of eternity. Your wedding doesn’t matter. It’s a beautiful time to celebrate coming together as man and wife, but keep in mind that you’re not getting married for the wedding… you’re getting married for the marriage. And it’s the marriage that matters. It’s the marriage that will hopefully lead people to see an example of Jesus’ love here on earth and the marriage that will impact eternity.

“Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.”

#5: Marriage doesn’t have to be hard.

It can be, and at times it will be, but it doesn’t have to be. If your engagement was anything like mine, the common negative statement, “marriage is hard”, often overshadowed the positive advice you received. Choose to disagree with the “marriage is hard” sentiment. Marriage is beautiful and fun. Marriage is having your best friend by your side. Marriage is a blessing. And yes, anytime you’re asking two people to combine lives there will be bumps in the road, but if you go into this adventure only focused on how “hard” it is, you have the wrong mindset.

#6: Your marriage is your business.

God’s plan for marriage is to cling to one another. That means even when your spouse has upset you. In that moment, you will be tempted to vent to your parents or closest friends. The problem with that is that those people are well–meaning, yet biased, causing them to take your side and make the situation worse… You want someone to talk to? Talk to your spouse. (Disclaimer: this does not discourage couples from seeking counsel. It is, however, vital that the counsel is unbiased and has Biblical, sound guidance.)

#7: Learn to fight.

Let me explain. By this, I mean learning to discuss issues that arise, when they arise. No, I don’t mean fighting over every little thing, but I do believe there is a place for it. Compromise and communication are learned traits. They are skills that come with practice, mastered through the every day “fights.” With this, when a larger issue arises, you two already know how to communicate. Going to bed angry never solved anything… take a breather, and fight it out. There doesn’t need to be a winner and a loser, but there needs to be a conclusion.

#8: The moments that it seems most difficult to love your spouse are the moments that it’s the most important to do so.

Love is a choice; You’ve heard that. Your spouse isn’t perfect; You should know that. There will come times when that decision to love your spouse seems more difficult than others, but those moments are no less important. When you don’t want to like them, love them. Maybe they had a bad day and aren’t ready to talk… show love. Maybe they are just overwhelmed and can’t get their words together… be love. Maybe they are mad at you and you don’t think they should be… give love. Maybe they screwed up and you want to be mad… love. Love always and love in their love language.

And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:14

#9: The little things are where you will make the most memories.

We can’t afford big trips or extravagant dinners, but we are not lacking in memories! Do all the things, and make all the memories. Get donuts on Saturday morning, grab coffee together before work, and go to the beach to watch the sunset. Some of our fondest memories have been made by being intentional in the little moments of life. Just like the wedding, it all goes by too fast. Soak it in, slow down, and hold on tight.

#10: Pray for your spouse.

Pray with your spouse. It’s likely that you prayed for your future spouse while you were waiting for one another, so why stop now? Pray for wisdom. Pray for their friends. Pray for their hopes, dreams, trials, and failures. Pray for their decision making, faith, health, and future. Just, pray. And take it from me, it has a huge impact on your attitude toward your spouse. It’s hard to be frustrated with someone when you’re intentionally praying for them. Let the Holy Spirit work in your marriage.

Cheers to you! My final words before your marriage: Hold on to each other and the Lord, and all will be okay.

Lots of love,