3 Lessons Learned from the Art of Communicating Expectations

My husband has a saying. Whenever I am upset about pretty much anything he says,

“So your expectations were not met?”

Lordy have MERCY it’ll tick me off when he says that!

But he’s right. Shh, don’t tell him.

Think about it. If you are upset or frustrated or mad, it probably is because of an expectation you set that didn’t come to fruition. Did someone in your family not follow through on what you THOUGHT they should do? Did an employee at work not do the job you ASSUMED they would do? Was someone not available when you CONSIDERED they should be? And what part did you play in all this drama? Over the years I’ve learned some lessons from these tricky experiences… thank God for his grace and giving us His Word.

Lesson 1:

Many times we cast our expectations on others when we have no right. God made all of us different and that includes the way we think and react to different situations.

The key to communication is the receiver hearing the same message that we sent and since everyone decodes what you say differently, there’s a good chance your expectations won’t be met, simply because they didn’t understand. It becomes unfair to cast expectations upon someone unknowingly.

That’s why it is so important to communicate clearly in all aspects of your life. And show GRACE to others. They have their own set of expectations.

Lesson 2:

When expectations are not met, look at yourself first. This one is very hard but very simple. Before you become upset… look at yourself. Was I clear? Did my expectations change?

Is it your expectation that your teenager will clear the table after dinner every night? Well, you’d better make that VERY clear. With no wavering and no inconsistency and a tangible repercussion for noncompliance. Is it your expectation that your spouse winds down and chats with you about the day for a little while in the evening? Have you discussed that with them? Speak clearly, but do it with love and grace.

A tough one is the employer/employee. Bosses, if you have a worker who is not living up to your expectations, look at yourself first. Eeeeek! Granted, you may have a stinker on your hands but more than likely there is a lack of communication about your expectations. Or if your expectations changed and evolved along the way was that made clear? Is their job description accurate to what they are actually doing? Their hours, responsibilities and the responsibilities of others? Are you a manager with concern, clear communication, and above all else grace?

In every aspect of your life it is NECESSARY to communicate your expectations. That doesn’t guarantee you’ll get what you want every time but at least the parties involved know what you are thinking. And quality communication is not being a dictator. You have to listen more than you talk. Remember? That’s why God gave you two ears and one mouth. Ha!

Lesson 3:

Listen before you speak and walk with grace. (Ouch.) Let’s be very clear. Your expectations will not always be met. People are flawed. That’s why we need Jesus. But have you done your part to not be a complication in someone else’s life?

You’ll still have to punish your teenager (that goes without saying) and you may have to compromise with your spouse on football nights. Don’t fire that employee for making a mistake or not adhering to a policy when you failed to offer them adequate training, instruction, and you’re not vested in their life.

And the next time you get upset, were you ACTUALLY wronged or could it possibly be a PERCEIVED wrong based on your own expectations of the situation? Think about it…

Matthew 5:37 Let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes’, and your ‘no’, ‘no’.

Proverbs 16:24 Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.

James 1:19 Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger

Use your words to communicate clearly, and use them wisely.

Walk with grace,