Theme Park Etiquette

Dear Florida Tourist,

I live in Florida. Tourism is our business. Beaches and theme parks. I’ve spent my fair share of time at theme parks. Magic Kingdom, Epcot, Animal Kingdom, Busch Gardens. Of course, this is just a few of the many enjoyable, family–friendly parks Florida has to offer. As a native Floridian and a theme park frequenter (is that a word?) I feel obligated to share a few tidbits of information.

For those non-locals (and some locals too) there are a few unwritten park-going rules you need to be aware of. 😉 With summer upon us, now is the time!

First let’s talk about what to wear to the park.

In case you weren’t aware, it’s NOT the beach! That seems to be a common misconception. These parks are full of fun and FAMILIES! Yes, it is hot in Florida, but impressionable young kids don’t need to be looking at what you were blessed with… We’ll begin with athletic wear. I agree that when you’ve finished the day at a park you feel like you ran a marathon, however, your skintight spandex is not appropriate for Mickey land. So while you DO want to be comfortable, please have the decency to keep it family-friendly and wear a long enough shirt to cover your backside. After all, you will spend a good portion of your day standing in line looking at the backsides of thousands of your closest friends!

And shorty short shorts. Please refrain from coming to the park with your biscuit cheeks on display. Not even the guy who went to every beer tasting event needs to get an eye full of that. Honestly, I’d rather see spandex than biscuits! I heard one little girl say to her mommy, “That lady’s pants are too small!” She was right. Makes me want to grab the Thieves wipes and clean my eyeballs (no, you can’t use them for that).

We’ve covered the rump, let’s talk about the front. Cleavage. Seriously? You know some of those roller coasters can get a bit wild. I’ve seen some women who’ve had to hold on to their “girls” to make sure they stay inside. For real! So in the future, please wear shirts that cover and secure those girls all around – front, top, sides, and bottom. Low cut tops and midriffs have the same dangers!

Now, guys, you’re not immune to the dress code. Your “muscle” shirt (Sweetie it’s been years since those were muscles) and big bellies need to stay put away also. And for goodness sake pull up your pants and wear a belt so you don’t have to hang on to them! How are you supposed to eat your cotton candy if you’re busy holding your britches up?

This all feels like common sense to me, so I don’t even know why I’m having to explain! I guess it does make for good people watching…

Moving on now to navigating across the park.

Stay in your lane! I get it, everyone is going everywhere but there are some basic rules of pathway etiquette. Don’t run right in front of people and cut them off. We’re trying to walk here! What if you trip some poor soul because you’re running around like a squirrel on the highway? Just be patient. That’s why you have an hour to use the Fast Pass – so you can calmly walk across the park without endangering lives. And trust me, by the time you get to that ride you’re running to, there WILL be a line…

And heavens, those strollers! I’m sure the folks pushing them have driven a car before, but all knowledge of the rules of the road goes straight out the window. Same for motorized scooters. Just because you have a double-wide scooter does NOT make it polite to barge your way through a crowd. I was almost hit by scooters three times while I was standing in line for coffee. I was standing still! Maybe redheads were worth extra points that day.

Which brings me to my last point. Noise.

Theme parks are noisy. There is music and singers and the noise of the rides themselves. With all of that, I realize that sometimes it’s tough for your group to hear you, but it’s not necessary to yell. Especially when your conversation isn’t appropriate for the little kids in my family. The rest of us could care less about what some dude told you at the party you were at last weekend. Some things you can just never un-hear!

With all the noise, lights, and over–stimulation theme parks offer, I feel it would be in their best interest to also offer a time out zone. You know, a quiet calm place where you can clear your head and relax in peace for a few minutes before you run across the park in your spandex to use your next fast pass before it expires.

Some days there’s just not enough Stress Away to handle everything that gets thrown at you. I’m talking to you, people of Disney!

With my rant complete, will I continue to go to the theme parks this fine state has to offer? You betcha! I just need to pack more oils. And FYI, I hope you enjoy these pictures of my family. Bethany wouldn’t let me post actual “what not to wear” pictures…

XO,